Confession No. 26514

I can't let myself think of all the memories we share. It's just too painful for me to deal with.
Guys, when she's upset, she's standing on a thin line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take.

This Saturday can go three ways:

A) GO TO THE CLUB ALONE — Pros: I know for sure some classmates of mine will be there, loud music, drinking, and dancing. Cons: Possibly high risk of just being bored in the side of a club, since my close friends aren’t there.
B) STAY HOME — Pros: Jorma, Simon, and Tilmann are sleeping over, movie marathon, I don’t need to dress up, probable Skype sessions. Cons: I’ll have to do the movie marathon alone, another weekend staying at home, I stayed home last weekend, I wanna go out!!!
C) TAKE A TRAIN TO THE CITY — Pros: Christmas markets, at least i’m not home, shopping!!! Cons: Reaaaally crowded stores, I need someone to take me around the city (and no one is free today), high probability of missing my train and getting lost, AND IT’S FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS. NOW TELL ME. A, B, OR C?

So I realised I haven't looked outside yet.

And when I did… surprise, surprise! SNOW AGAIN.
So I ran outside barefoot and in my Ben and Jerry’s pajamas and made a snowball.
But it was too cold on my hands so I dropped it
Then Jorma ran out barefoot too and made another snowball.
And threw it at my face.
But I dodged it….into my hair.
So now there’s ice slowly melting on my scalp.
Damn it.

Favourite bands...?

  • VersaEmerge
  • Pierce The Veil
  • Fall Out Boy
  • Paramore
  • You Me At Six
  • Forever the Sickest Kids
  • The Maine
  • Blink 182
  • My Chemical Romance

18th July 2011 is the day I won’t go see Blink-182.

I'M SO SAD.
Hopefully the tickets will be in such high demand they will add new dates. WOO.

Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea

I remember sitting in front of this when it aired on MTV, being hypnotized.

Confession No. 27275

I haven’t known you that long, and I swear I’m already falling for you.

HOLY SHIT, SNOWWWWWW!!!!!

But it’s actually really lame snow that just falls then melts on the ground (or your fucking face) and it’s shit cold.

HORRIBLE BIKING WEATHER!

I had to take a detour through the city to buy earmuffs because I thought my ears would literally fall off
but I can’t wait for legit white ice snowman snowball snow.

<3

I don’t understand how people can be really mean, fair enough, i’m occasionally sarcastic, which may come across as mean, but when people go out of their way to insult somebody, and to put someone down, i think it’s just horrible.

Helena Bonham Carter is my girl crush…

...well one of many girl crushes.

Who were you to stop the world and ask it to revolve around you?

What was the best concert you went to?

Been to too many concerts just to pick out the best one.

I’m tired of people.

When someone new walks into my life, I try to convince myself that they’re different but they turn out to be just like the rest of them. Breaking every fucking promise. Replacing me with someone better. Talking shit behind my back. Falling for those bullshit lines that make me think that I can actually trust them. Using me to get what they want. Then when they finally have it, they just leave me hanging until they need something again. They treat me like complete shit yet I would practically take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. Then when they realize how much they screwed up, they apologize and I forgive them. Sooner or later, the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

I just want to meet someone I can open up to without having to think twice about it. Someone that is capable of knocking down all the walls I put up since blocking people out is starting to become a natural habit of mine. And someone that appreciates me while they still have me. Yeah, it would be nice to meet someone like that for a change. Forever alone.

Another Heart Calls - The All-American Rejects

Do you remember when we didn’t care?
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all?
Another heart calls
I remember when we stole the night
We’d lie awake dreaming til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you, didn’t I, didn’t I tell you?
As deep as I need you, you wanna leave it all

I’m sorry
(So what?)
You don’t think I’ve said enough? I’m sorry!
(I don’t care… you were never there) 

Dear You,

Remember our best kept secret? That rooftop in Brooklyn we snook up to in order to see the perfect view of the New York City skyline. Up there it was only me, you, and the beautiful city lights. We talked for hours on end about films that inspired us, books that changed us, our passions that motivated us, and we shared our deepest secrets that we’ve never told anyone else before. On those few nights we built a bridge between us. It was an everlasting connection between two lost souls who were drowning inside. A place that will forever be me and you.

Love,
Me
There’s a fine line between lover and friend; reality and pretend; hello and goodbye; smile and cry; what you wanted and what you got; being together and not.

absolutism/scientific revolution/enlightenment

Come Monday. Fuck my life.

Finished Jorma’s speakers!



Concept took forever, actual drawing took about 4 hours? Doodles include: Green Day heart grenade, four skulls, two different eyes, jack skellington, “Jorma”, 2 giant mushrooms, and lots of drippy stuff.
Fun to make, but i’m all out of markers now.
What do you think?

The people who deserve nothing are handed everything.

I had no plans for tonight so I assumed that this weekend would simply blow but apparently not cause I got to hangout with Jorma & his friends. We fucked around with ChatRoulette for five hours. Therefore:


My Saturday night = well spent

What exactly are you waiting for?

“Let’s not rush into things”. That was the idea I thought would be best. I remember sitting on your bed, watching you play your guitar and sing Oasis songs to me thinking, how am I not supposed to fall for this guy? You made me feel so alive. 

It was June 6th at a friend’s house, we had been seeing each other for a few months now. You twisted the cap off your Magic Hat #9 and looked at it funny, then you put the cap in your pocket. I asked what you were doing and you told me that you’d tell me later. 

Later that night in your bed you pulled the cap out of your pocket and said, “Remember when I told you I had tell you something later? Well, I normally don’t believe in fate or anything like that but I thought this was kind of strange.” You looked down at the bottle cap. “I’ve been waiting for the right time to ask you this, and after reading this I feel like this is the right time to ask you… Will you be my girlfriend?” 

AND I MESSED UP WITH THIS GUY.

Confession No. 51

I am terrible at making decisions. I overthink things.

Ugh, I hate having my ears on show, everyone says how small they are.

Piss off

Holy Santa Claus shit!

I think I found one Dave Matthews Band song I don’t actually despise.

“Crash” actually sort of fits my mood atm.

I miss you.

Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

I did not realise how much I missed the U.K. until I was reminded of it by British hating Germans.

I hate the U.K. but at the same time I really like it.
Me: You guys are so weird. 
Mum: I'm sorry we aren't the perfect family! 
Me: I never said tha--
Mum: I'm sorry I don't wear cookies to your stupid little PTA meetings. 
Me: I don't understand how you'd wear cookies, but uh, ok.

Oh wait...

Now my roomies are blaring Disturbed.
And shouting the lyrics.
Cause it’s winter season, and it’s snowing. I wanna build snowmen, have snowfights, or just play in the snow, ok?

I've never kissed anyone under mistletoe...

Will twenty-ten be my year?

Jorma’s speakers….work in progress.

Suggestions?

Some of my tattoos.


Right side, key (for the bluebird that wants to get out).
Left side, anchor (for when I leave and when I stay).

Best gameplay?

Umm. That’s kind of… hard to qualify? I mean it’s really objective you know. Fuck. I could name tons of games here that I had that were awesome to play. Guess I’ll just go with Grand Theft Auto Vice City, although there’s so many others.


I guess I just like saying fuck the missions, let’s go beat up some hookers and steal cars.
I am aware of the fact that this makes me sound well sad, but I love Children In Need. There is never a year in which I don’t watch it, fair enough I don’t watch all of it, because I am tired or whatever, but I will always make the effort to sit and watch, and donate.

Last year I donated about £10 or something, every little helps. 

I remember having to rush home last year, so that I wouldn’t miss the start of the Children In Need show, there had been a car crash on my bus route home, so I walked home so that I would make it in time.

Today was awesome being Pebbles from Peter Pan for fancy dress at university, and buying Pudsey cupcakes.
So I have no plans at all for this weekend,
but I guess the universe had different plans for me, because a beautiful opportunity has presented itself.
Jorma’s going to let me paint his horribly ugly “personalised” speakers.
Technically, i’ll just be drawing on it with a black marker, because the only paint I brought with me from the U.K. is water colours and that won’t work to well here, obviously.
I already started with some stuff.
I’ll be posting the progress and final output here!


Y U TRY SO HARD, DUDE.

I ISN’T INTERESTED, LOLZ.

Seriously, if I have to flat out reject you i'm going to kill myself.

A Little Bit of a Love Rant

I think of love the same way I think of Year 10. I miss that year like hell, it was so simple; so perfect. Sometimes, I wish I could just crawl into the comfort of it again, and shield myself from the troubles of university. But I know in my heart that moving on and gaining new experiences is far more important. That’s how guys are, ya know? Or girls, if that's your preference. You look back on them, and you think, “Damn that was awesome. I miss that. I really fucking miss that.” But would you really just want to stay in the safety of it all over again? Would you want to relive those months or years? No, I don’t think so. My best friend has a new boyfriend, his name is Robert. He’s fantastic, everything even I would want in a guy, and she knows how lucky she is. She is falling fast and hard. But two years ago, her boyfriend of nearly 10 months cheated on her during the New Year holidays. His name was T.J., and he shattered her heart into pieces. 

His apologies were sincere. He called her constantly, walked to her house every day, and tried desperately to make it up to her. She was happy…but that cloud was still there. In the end, they made a rough decision. Sitting down, they looked each other in the eyes, eyes they knew so well, and realised something. They had to let go. T.J. didn’t want the same fate as his brother: blowing off friends and experiences for the girlfriend he was so hopelessly in love with. His words were, “I love you too much, Hannah. I know we will end up just like them. And I don’t want that for us.” So in a way, they loved each other enough to let go. 

But like always, you still cling, and you cling hard. Hannah is happy, more than happy; T.J. is not. His girlfriend is great, but his longing for Hannah bores deeper into him each day. He regrets not his decision to let her go, but his first decision: the one that led to the second. He cheated. Yes, he cheated, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love. 

She talked to him yesterday, finally. She told him that she thought things over, and that she would always feel for him, but Robert was too important to her. She said that if fate had it for them, then they would work things out later. And she believes that. 

So fate. Love. I’m not sure if I could put my belief into fate. I’ve loved the same guy for 9 months, and he has broken my heart more than once. It’s one of those pathetic things really. He’s just a friend, and to him, I am just this girl. But to me he is more than that. He’s an equal…that’s what I think we are looking for, not just in a relationship, but in a friendship as well. Someone who you feel is superior to you. “When you find someone you don’t think you deserve, you better try really fucking hard to make them yours.” My brother said that to me once, and ya know, he has a point. If your standards are where they should be, not any guy on the street will be good enough. And I hope you are shallow enough to base this off of looks: to think you are ugly, and that you don’t deserve the gorgeous boy you just laid eyes on.

It’s deeper. This guy…he is different. He is smart, and mature, and he has the same grip on life that I do…or so I thought. Recently though, he fucked up pretty bad. His reasons are beyond me, and I don’t think I can understand this one. And he can’t understand how bothered I am by it, and explaining just gets me nowhere. I left class today and felt so sick about it. But you know? That’s life. 

Ups and downs. I’m just really hoping that somehow I can find someone like him again; someone who sees me and goes, “Holy fuck.” That’s what we all need. Someone who gets weak at the knees, who sits by their phone all day craving your call or text. Someone who can’t get you out of their head, someone who cares for you beyond the normal care; they care for your happiness, your success, your well being. Someone who would take a bullet for you. For the people that have found it, congrats. You are so, so lucky. For the people that have their hearts broken…everyone will get there. Even those who I just called lucky. And it’s not because love sucks. No, people suck. We do. Every last goddamn one of us has human flaws, errors in our character that lead us down pretty shitty paths. You’re heart is broken? Just wait, soon you will break a heart. Soon you will kiss some random dude at a party, soon you will find yourself growing annoyed with your partner…falling out of love. Because that’s the point. We fall in love…then we fall out of love. Only to fall in love again. That’s what you need to reach the point where you really find the right one. All the others before are lessons…everyone is a lesson. You will know when you snag the final partner when he or she is a lover, a parent, a brother, and a child all in one. You have to care for them in every aspect imaginable: you must respect them like a parent, and know that they are just looking for the best for you. You must protect them like a sibling, and know that sometimes yeah…they are going to annoy the shit out of you but at the end of the day, they are still going to be under the same roof, and you are still going to love them. Like a child…that all encompassing love that makes you want to succeed for them…that makes you want to be the best you can be. And like a lover…someone that you can fuck the hell out of. 

Honestly. Everyone just wants to be wanted. 

Whoever said:

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is sorta wrong, because you know exactly what you have when you have it. You just don’t know how much you need it until you can’t have it anymore.

I learnt this today:

Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics:

You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode.

So, forget Jesus.

The stars died so that you could be here today.

Is it so ironic that my brain automatically targets the most difficult boy to get?

Damn.

I just finished a whole season of Peach Girl.

I don’t normally watch Anime, but I can’t deny that Peach Girl is a huge guilty pleasure of mine.

Okayasu + Momo = 4ever 

FIVE PEARLS OF WISDOM TO REMEMBER:

1. Money can’t buy happiness but...
somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle…
2. Forgive your enemy, but...
remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help a man when he is trouble & he will remember you,
when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because...
it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then,
neither does milk.
People always say, “you deserve better”.
Okay, if I did deserve better, where the hell is my better?
APPEARANCE
[ ] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[ ] I have freckles.



FAMILY
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[ ] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I want to adopt someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.



SCHOOL/WORK[x] I’m in school.
[x] I have a job.
[ ] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I’ve missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I’ve stolen something from my job.
[ ] I’ve been fired.



EMBARASSMENT[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[ ] I’ve glued my hand to something.
[ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I’ve had my trousers rip in public.



HEALTH
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches.
[ ] I’ve broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[x] I’ve sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.
[ ] I have/had asthma.



TRAVELING
[ ] I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[x] I’ve been to Canada.
[x] I’ve been to Mexico.
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[x] I’ve been to Japan.
[ ] I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been to Africa.



EXPERIENCES
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[x] I’ve gone skinny dipping.
[x] I’ve played spin the bottle.
[ ] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[x] I’ve been Skiing
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[x] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I’ve played chicken.
[ ] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[x] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I’ve eaten Sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.



RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I’m single
[ ] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[ ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back more than once.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them and didn’t get a clear response.
[ ] I’ve felt rejected even if I wasn’t.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.



HONESTY
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[ ] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I’ve cheated on a test.
[ ] I’ve been suspended from school.



BAD TIMES[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[x]I regularly drink.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I’m depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[ ] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[ ] I’ve woken up crying.



DEATH
[ ] I’m afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I’ve seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.



MATERIALISM
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.



RANDOM
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don’t kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ringtone.
[ ] I obsess over grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have “x”s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
[x] I can cook.
[x] My favorite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red, black or blue.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online a lot, even as an away message.
[x] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I can’t sleep if there is a roach in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I’m good at remembering faces.
[x] I’m good at remembering names
[x] I’m good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

I figured out what i’ll do for a part-time job and extra money while in San Fran.

I’ll be a bartender!!!
  • $150-$300 worth of tips a day
  • Bartending school lasts only 1-2 weeks (longer if you like)
  • 21-year olds in CA
Haha, i’m a genius.
Out of my entirely tiny German town, I found the only sushi bar and the only place where they also sell MANGO JUICE. Yes, I said it. MANGO JUICE. MADE FROM MANGOES. I was about to cry from happiness.

Plus, I introduced myself to the owners of the sushi bar. They’re from Korea. I was about to say something 
in Korean, but I realised most of the Korean I know are curse words.

I think this proves how awesome I am as am.

Fuck yeah.

When we realised that we'll be seeing each other in a little over a month...

  • C.R.:  OMG

  • C.R.:  I'M FREAKING OUT

  • Via:  ME TOO

  • Via:  OMG

  • Via:  I'M FANNING MYSELF

  • C.R.:  I CANNOT EXPRESS IN EXCLAMATION POINTS

  • Via:  AHAHAHAHHA

  • Via:  NO WORDS, C.

  • Via:  NO WORDS

  • C.R.:  MY THROAT

  • C.R.:  IS TIGHTENING

  • Via:  OMGGG

  • C.R.:  LOSING

  • C.R.:  AIR

  • C.R.:  WHAT IS AIR

  • C.R.:  GONE

  • C.R.:  GONE

  • Via:  DEAD

  • C.R.:  I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • I don't know why, but I like drawing Eliza.

    All these chemistry papers are killing me.
    Next Monday I have a test on three chapters…
    90 pages of material. Okay.

    Confession No. 5814

    I fell in love with the biggest asshole in the world. And he just so happened to be my best friend. We did everything together: Sang, wrote songs, laughed, cried, shopped, hugged, even held hands, and sometimes even shared an occasional kiss on the cheek. I thought he was the sweetest guy ever. He told me everything. We told each other each night, "I love you so much," and we argued about who loved who more. I never wanted to lose him. Actually, being completely honest, I still love him. Only maybe more than before. I want him, but I can't have him and I know it. We had our first Christmas together and it was wonderful. Then, one day it all went wrong. Everything went wrong. He must have gotten his man period. Yeah, that's what happened. That fucker ignored my every text, call, email, IM. What the hell? I broke down. Literally, I didn't want to see him. I turned into a flirt. I flirted with every single one of his friends. Luckily, they were all beautiful so I was alright. Months went by so quickly, I still couldn't get over him. He was there every where I went. So, I hit on the next guy to come along. It worked like a charm. He got jealous. But I didn't care; I was so addicted to hitting on guys that, when he texted me, I ignored him. I sought revenge but took it too far. I still want him to this day. He just won't listen anymore.

    …have i been doing these wrong all along?

    Life’s good.

  • I’m officially unofficially going to Sweden...

  • ...and Finland...

  • ...and eventually Denmark.

  • I just need tickets.

  • And my dad’s in Spain in February...

  • ...so it’s either he visits me in Germany...

  • ...or I go to Spain.

  • Fuck, life’s really good.
  • Gentlemen, she’s insecure 'cause your lady friends are freakin' pretty. She knows she’s not the only girl that you find pretty. Yes, she has your heart but keep in mind to never stop reminding her every single day that she’s the only one. She trust you but she gets insecure about what you’re doing and who you’re with. She gets clingy 'cause she cares just a little too much about you. She wants you all to herself, but she doesn’t want to feel selfish. She knows you love her, but she can’t help and feel that she might lose you. She’s just afraid of losing someone as great and wonderful as you. Cause she knows that other girls may see how amazing you are.

    Last night was fuuuuun...

    Got home just before the sun rose.
    I would’ve watched the sunset, but I pretty much passed out.
    And woke up to a ridiculously messy room.
    I don’t remember doing that.

    Things I should do tonight:

    1. Clean my room
    2. Work on my identification
    3. Come up with a prototype for my chemistry project
    4. Play with make-up
    5. Watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show

    It’s really cute when boys:

    ·         wear beanies
    ·         can sing
    ·         text with smiley faces
    ·         giggle
    ·         hug me from the back

    One reason two people drift:

    Usually, when two people drift, it’s always one person who starts it off.. It’s always one person who starts to puts less effort, who doesn’t pay as much attention, who doesn’t make as much time as before.. It’s never for no reason, either. Something/someone must’ve gotten in the way.

    We're having a Tim Burton theme party on campus and I get to help decorate the campus. :D

    I hate trying to listen to my iPod in the car and my friends blast loud German music.

    My tee-shirt came today!

    To Write Love on Her Arms.
    Write LOVE on your arms to spread awareness and support those in recovery for self-injury.
    According to Greek mythology, humans were born with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing the power of this entity, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend the rest of their lives in search of their other half.
    Partners help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you get fucked.

    Confession No. 26539

    I will never feel confident in my glasses.

    Confession No. 26537

    When I said that I was okay with you leaving.. I didn’t mean it.

    Bag***

    This cracked me up.

    So, I finally got around to seeing the new Karate Kid, and was really pleased to find out that it was the story all about how Jaden Smith’s life got flipped turned upside down. You see, he was chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool, shooting some b-ball outside of his school, when a couple of guys (who were up to no good) started making trouble in his neighbourhood. He got in one little fight and his mom got scared! And said: “you’re going to learn kung-fu from the maintenance man downstairs".

    I have a problem.

    When a guy is all nice to me and what not, I always think shit is too good to be true. I always think there is something wrong with him, or I always ask myself: what does he really want from me? My past has extremely fucked with me.

    “This world has already gone to shit.”

    I still have hope.
    I honestly love it when somebody sees me, screams my name & then runs to hug me.

    Yeah, i'm bleeding.

    I was cutting cheese and cut my finger.

    Yeah, it's pretty deep in there. It stings.

    Goodbye, cruel world.

    Brain vs Heart

    Story of my life.

    You wake up and see this looking down on you from your bed. What do you do?

    
    (sorry for the bad photo, was taken on my phone)
    a) Flip the fuck out and probably die because of it.
    b) Rejoice.
    c) Wonder how the fuck it’s doing that because you sleep in the top of a bunk bed
    d) Punch it in the face and cry. And probably die of a heart attack afterward.
    e) “Masky…?” And then give him some cheesecake because it’s probably what he wanted in the first place.
    f) Scream and panic…
    g) Hug him.
    h) Not notice. Sleep on your stomach. He would probably get bored and leave.
    i) Run like hell.
    j) Kick that motherfucker in the face for disturbing your beauty sleep.

    I wish I had some crazy cool hair like Liza's so I could draw it.

    MY HAIR IS SO LAME.
    PLAIN HAIR IS PLAIN.

    I JUST SAW LIKE 6 CHOCOLATE CAKES IN THE KITCHEN.

    Mmm, I want cake!


    SO SEXY I WANT SOME.

    Confession No. 26303

    When i'm sad, I listen to sad songs.

    Holy crap my brain just ate itself.

    SHIT.

    I have to have blood drawn on Friday.

    Note to self: If they offer you orange juice afterwards, TAKE THE GOD DAMN ORANGE JUICE.

    I learned this lesson the hard way.

    I’m sorry, but Christianity is not my preference.

    God free.

    I'm numb today, and I don't give a shit about anything.

    And I can’t do anything to make these feelings stop.
    Every single person lives the same life. They’re just dealt different problems and situations. But we’re all humans. We all have the same heart to love with. We all have the same eyes to see with. We all have the mind to think with. No matter who we are, what we look like, what we believe in, at the end of the we’re all still human.
    First time I saw you, I wanted to come up to you and give you a big panda bear hug. Second time I saw you, I said ''Oh my god, Your just so perfect''. Which you are. Third time I saw you, I died.
    – Anonymous note left in my notebook

    D’awh. Who is this?! This is going to kill me. Why must you be anon… But you’re wonderful, thank you. [:

    This is for Liza to cheer her up!

    Yeesh, people can be so touchy:

    Random student: Hey! I just wanted to say your cat is awesome and looks like Batman. I call him Batcat.
    Random student #2: Her name is Sarah! Please don't put notes on her, ok?
    …never a bad time for my pals to make things just a little bit better.

    Happens to me all the time.

    You know when you get a pair of socks, sit down and put one on and then all of a sudden, your other one seems to just vanish into thin air and then you temporarily lose any trace of your memory and you’re sat there like..."where the fuck have you gone...?"

    My friend Pete has a theory he refers to as “Deep Regret.”

    By definition, Deep Regret is the acute anxiety or inevitable apprehension trigged in the average male by the sudden or unexpected appearance of an immensely beautiful girl he innately knows is way out of his league. This girl is so gorgeous, so exquisite, so stunning, he becomes instantly enamored beyond mental functionality and can barely keep his eyes from popping out of his head, let alone bring himself to speak to her. Her beauty and elegance, her feminine mystique are so intoxicating, so staggering, his knees involuntarily go weak, he becomes unreasonably inarticulate, and as a result, just stands there like a noob with his jaw on the floor. Naturally, she takes zero notice of him and doesn’t even acknowledge his existence as she gracefully strolls away out of sight, and ultimately out of this life forever. It’s not a conscious thing on her part; she’s not being discourteous or mean by any stretch of the imagination, she’s just that sweet, innocent and utterly charming. She simply has no idea.

    Okay. Never for a second has Pete pretended to have the ever-elusive female charm all figured out, but he can certainly speak for the impending inhibitions that shy males everywhere must deal with. Pete tried to give this crazy phenomena a suitable title for a long time until he finally hit the nail on the head. Deep Regret refers to the irresistible longing a boy has to approach and speak to his dream girl even though he cannot physically or emotionally make himself do it. He is trapped in inner turmoil. Stricken by quiet chaos. Utterly helpless. Paralyzed. Despite the inner machine gun spray of stinging desperation, he watches her walk away and spends that night staring at the ceiling wondering WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED had he found the strength to fight back the nerves long enough to say hello. His chance is lost, she is gone, yet he still replays the scene in his head, wishing he wasn’t such a jellyfish around pretty girls. Who knows what might’ve happened? He kicks himself. The wondering alone could choke a moose.

    That, dear friends, is Deep Regret.
    So I was biking home from uni and I see a bunch of ducks in the water, then I see an empty sweet wrapper beside one duck. I keep biking on til I get so guilty and turn around and bike back to get the sweet wrapper out. But everyone was looking at me and the water looked ridiculously dirty, not to mention below 0° cold, and so I turned into a horrible person and biked away from the ducks and the sweet wrapper.

    What if the duck ate the sweet wrapper? What if it choked on it?? What if I totally doomed a duck to death today?!?!

    But then I went to the visa place to get my visa extended, and they took my passport. They said that i’ll get it back in four weeks, which means that I have absolutely NO ID for Friday’s party. Which fucking sucks. So they gave me this photocopy of my passport with apparently official stamps and signatures and whatever.

    I HOPE IT WORKS. FUCK, THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR KILLING DUCKS.

    When I was little, we’d play Scooby-Doo and I was always Velma.

    Little bitches.
    I need to tell you a secret.
    You know how you feel bad all the time.
    I feel like that too, I never really talk about it or anything.
    But I do. I just want to you to know I think you're pretty.
    In a non creepy way.
    So I just wanted you to know that.
    Because I dont want you feeling bad.
    Because... You are a good person.
    I know that.

    Dear Music

    Thank you for being there when no one else was.

    Confession No. 5136

    I don’t have an eating disorder. I’m too much of a loser to even succeed in having an eating disorder.
    I got bored this evening.
    Don’t let the fucked up society of today convince you that you are not beautiful.
    If I could go back in time, I’d tell the younger version of me to enjoy her childhood. I wasted mine wanting to be where I am right now and it’s not what I envisioned being this age would be. I’d give anything to go back to when nobody cared about anything and I could truly say I was happy.

    Came home from the concert last night like this:

    I have no words…..can’t hear….. first band….post rock…second band….SKA!!!….third band…German Blink 182….post rock lead singer….smiled at me….talked to me…..German boys….stupid pick up lines….lost Ann….German metalheads….moshpits….crushed….can’t feel my back….got carried a bunch….MORE GERMAN MOSHPITS….and little English me….put it together, and what do you get?

    A pretty fuckin' epic night!

    “FUCK YEAH, TIC TACS!”

    Best quote of last night.

    Apparently tic tacs easily excite Germans.

    Way to cockblock a buddy, man.

  • What's-his-face:  Hey! I'm (forgot his name). How are you?

  • C.R.:  I'm great! How about y—

  • Felix:  HE'S 14 YEARS OLD AND A VIRGIN!

  • C.R.:  ...

  • What's-his-face:  Fuck you, man.
  • This is Secrets.


    
    My new favorite band. They’re even better live. (And the lead singer talked to me too and I pretty much hyperventilated the rest of the night cause he’s so fucking adorable).

    Fuck everything.

    Sweet Disposition - Ellie Goulding

    One moment forever frozen in time that I wished would have never ended. A perfect instance of sweet disposition where my heart raced like a powerful gust of wind and my mind fixated at this very moment trying to remember every single detail no matter how small or insignificant. That one kiss, one laugh, one cry, one dream finally come true that I wish would never had withered away as time inevitably passed us by. I still look back to day when we were both in pure bliss with each other. A melancholic smile always lays across my face as those beautiful memories rush back. Even though you will never be able to read this, I really do miss you and I wish we could live that moment again and again.

    “A moment, a love, a dream, a kiss, a cry. Our rights, our wrongs.”

    “One moment forever frozen in time that I wished would have never ended”

    You're so brave. Everytime I look over at you, i'm expecting you to break down. Instead, I see you attempting to act normal, even though such a bad thing happened to you. And I just wish I could do something to make you feel better.

    Today I woke up on the wrong side of the planet:

    • apparently, I overslept
    • Jorma woke me up by pulling my blanket off
    • and tickling me furiously
    • pulled the pillow from under my head
    • freakin’ threw it on my face
    • and put his cold hands on my neck
    • then threw my blanket into his room
    • obviously awake at this point, I walked to his room
    • passed out on my blanket
    • repeat torture
    You know what’s more boring than chemistry class?
    Chemistry class…..in German.

    My Jew name:

    Ari Rubinheimer.

    FACT

    Sea otters hold hands when they sleep, so they don’t drift away from each other.

    …I like you.

    “Oh, I like you too… as a friend.

    I wish wishing worked.

    Submit your wish in my comments.

    Just ate a whole Snickers bar at 10 o’ clock at night and not feeling the least bit guilty about it.

    MOTHAFUCKAAAA

    If you could be any ice cream flavour, which one would you be?

    Hmm, I’d be Gold Medal Ribbon, from Baskin Robbins. (:

    The new guy I’m talking to is so freaking cute.

    And I just had to let that out because I’m unbelievably excited :)

    To the person who was pondering their parent’s past relationships:

    Do you ever think about your own love stories like that? How some day you’re going to be sitting next to your daughter, showing her an old picture and saying, “yeah, I loved this guy. I loved him, so even though he’s not a part of my life, it doesn’t mean he’s not a part of me.”

    So far, all of my romances have been failed ones. Some of them, however, are so much a part of me that I can’t imagine not telling my future family. Even if I don’t marry the guy who I got lost with for hours in the rain, or the guy who kissed me under the stars in the French countryside, or the guy who I trusted but he broke my heart anyways. No longer speaking to them doesn’t lessen their importance. All of those experiences led me to where I am now, they’re leading me towards whatever is next. I hope my future children will one day be as familiar with the path that led to their creation as I am.

    Has a thing for Mayday Parade now, thanks to Eliza.

    I have four Skype contacts.

    Boringggg.
    When I'm bored I look around at the people around me and wonder what their lives are like and what they're thinking.

    Fo' real we have guidance councillors.

    Guidance councellor: What's on your mind?
    Me: Honestly?
    Guidance councellor: Honestly, go ahead.
    Me: Sex. This website. Sex. My followers.
    Guidance councellor: So.. This website, is it eHarmony?
    Me: No, what are you smoking? Does it look like I need eHarmony?
    Guidance councellor: Okay well what is it called?
    Me: I can't answer this question.
    Guidance councellor: Why not? It's a simple question.
    Me: NO ONE SPEAKS OF IT UNLESS YOU ARE PART OF IT. You do not have an account, therefore, we cannot talk about this. End of discussion.
    Fun night tonight. :)
    What is your full name?
    Claire Cora Breeny

    Any names your parents were thinking about that you would prefer?
    Not that I know of.

    If you had to pick one outfit that you currently own to wear for the rest of your life, what would it consist of?
    My Abercrombie jeans, my Banana Rebublic grey&white tanktop, with my grey hollister cardigan. (:

    What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?
    Heaven?

    What TV show have you seen every episode of?
    Hellcats, Pretty Little Liars etc.

    What movie can you quote every line to?
    Bruce Almighty

    What bands have you seen in concert?
    The Academy Is, to name one.

    What bands would you like to see in concert?
    The Academy Is again!

    If you had the money to retire anywhere in the world, where would you go?
    Tahiti or Fiji

    Is there a piece of jewellery or something similar that if you lost, you would feel naked?
    No, I rarely wear jewelery.

    What is one thing [appearance-wise or other] you would change about yourself?
    My smile.

    If you won a $1,000 shopping spree to one store, what store would you want it to be?
    Hollister, or Abercrombie

    Which is your favorite comic book movie? Ironman :)
    I’m going to grow my hair out until its down to my stomach.
    Then I’m going to cut it and donate it to Locks of Love<3

    Don’t call me past 11pm. It won’t happen again. It happened once, it happened twice, it happened three times… maybe four times… five times… okay, maybe it happened six times, but it’s not going to happen seven times, no no no no no…. You can call me at 10:59, but don’t call me at 11, cause that’s my rule now.

    Sometimes, the dumbest things irk me to no end.

    Like, I always say that I want to experience life to the fullest.
    But think about this:
    There are approximately 6,900 languages in the world.
    I’ve learned 5, but can only fluently speak 3.

    THIS REALLY TICKS ME OFF.

    Just clearing this up.

    MY FRIEND iS Asian.


    But…
    • She doesn’t get all A’s
    • She doesn’t know what the hell “ching chang chong” means
    • She doesn’t want to do your homework
    • She's not Chinese, or Japanese
    • She doesn’t eat dogs, cats, or any other animals of that sort
    • She doesn’t know karate
    • She's NOT related to that girl, that girl, or that guy
    • She's not an overachiever
    However…
    • She does love rice