We can go both ways.

Claire:  AHHH, FUCK BUTTER!!!

Marius:  Huh?

Claire:  Shit, I meant to say Buttfucker.

Marius:  I don't really know which is worse.

Claire:  ...Or better. ;)

This picture pretty much sums up my Christmas.

Only boy I can be myself with. Whether I’m bundled up head-to-toe and covered in snow or in my nicest outfit. There’s no one like him, and I don’t ever wanna be without him.

Why do I always get the crazies?

So let’s review.

You telling me that you talk to spirits and see demons. Creepy, but everybody’s got their shit.

You telling me that if your girlfriend ever cheated on you, you’d cut her to pieces, in dead-serious tone…sent a few warning bells off in my head, but I’ve heard worse.

You then showed up at my friend’s house as if you were right around the corner, and said that you liked to drive by people’s houses to see if they were home at night. I told myself I wouldn’t let you see where I lived, but okay…

Then your aunt told me that not long ago you tried to stab your mum with a pen. More warning bells.

Adam once again, said that I should try and distance myself from you. Which I did. Nothing personal, but I know a lot of crazy guys, and yeah, I could rack up some notches on the old count, but I don’t honestly want to fuck you. Honestly, I’m starting to be scared by you. Because this isn’t drug crazy, or bi-polar crazy, this is full bore STAB FRENZY crazy, Fatal Attraction style.

So I ignore your texts, ignore your phone messages, avoid seeing you at places and hope you aren’t following me around town. It works for a few months. I thought you moved on.

Then you start leaving messages on my facebook. Weird messages.

And then you come find me at the library and kiss me.

What more do I have to do? I physically pushed you off and hopped in my car and drove away.

I hope that’s the end of it, I really do.

I’m actually a little afraid.

Sometimes I have no faith in myself as a person. Sometimes I think i’m ugly. And stupid. And have nothing to offer. Sometimes I think that no guy will ever love me because i’m not special enough to love. It disgusts me to think of myself in that way.

You know what sucks? When you can’t give your friend advice. They’re telling you their problems and you don’t know the right words to say to them. You feel like they’re depending on you to know the answer but you just don’t know and you feel so bad.

This was one of my Christmas presents. I love it.

WHEN WATCHING HOME ALONE, DO YOU EVER JUST FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE REST OF THE STORY TO GET TO THE PART WHERE THE KID FUCKS THE TWO BURGLARS UP? PROBABLY THE ONLY GREAT PART OF THE MOVIE.

I am enjoying the fuck out of having my boyfriend here with me.

Long distance relationships are so hard but when I’m with him oh my god I can’t even begin.

I am so happy.

So
Damn
Happy

It’s so hard to express it in words.

I loved Katy Perry’s performance in 500 days of summer.

5 people who mean a lot to me (in no order whatsoever):

1) Sammy Riccio

2) Allie Grimes

3) Joe Murphy

4) Natalie Kuloweic

5) My sister

Why should I stop if I don’t want to? I’m not going too deep. I don’t cut to die. I just want some kind of release.

Say it! Get it off your chest now!

> I really fucking like you.
>> You need to step the fuck up, before she gets old enough to see what a jack ass you are.
>>> I’m gay.
>>>> Our friendship and our physical relationship have no correlation whatsoever.
>>>>> I miss you. I only want you. I just want to know that you want me too.
>>>>>> I love you, and you have no idea. I wish you knew.
>>>>>>> I am so fucking happy now that you’re gone. SO happy.
>>>>>>>> You are fucking adorable. Be mine.

I hate when people think they know all about me when they don’t know shit.

It pisses me off.

I like you a lot, I really do.

But I somewhat want to hold myself back a little because I don’t know if you feel the same way I feel about you . I don’t want to make myself look like a fool.

My biggest insecurity?

My skin - colour, scars, acne. You don’t know how jealous I get when I see girls with clear complexions or even just one tiny pimple at the least. This might sound a bit mellow-dramatic to some of you who don’t understand, but it’s EXTREMELY hard for me to make full eye contact…

No, I can't take one more step towards you, because all that's waiting is regret.

Going away party tonight…g.r.e.a.t. :)

I love wrapping presents. <3

My God, where are my colouring pencils?

Beautiful 24 pack of Crayolas I need you.

When I can’t sleep I draw, and seeing as I finished drawing Adrian and I am onto the colouring stages, I need to colour, omg. :(

Do you like?

10 things I want to say to ten different people right now:

1) Yes, I miss you. And I suppose that I do still care about you. But, quite obviously, it’s time to move on. so, as cliche as it sounds, goodbye.

2) Lately, you’re all that’s been on my mind. I would just love to tell you that I like you and hear it back. I want to be your girlfriend. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and be yours. I really really like you.

3) I miss you so much, but i’m not sure that you value this friendship as much as I do anymore.

4) You are my best friend, and I couldn’t ask for anything better. You make me laugh, you’re always there for me, and somehow you make my days a little brighter when they seem awfully dark. Thank you for always being there. I love you.

5) What happened between us probably needed to happen, but I really miss you. Even though things have changed, I still love you. And I still think about you all the time. I’ll always be here for you. I pinky promised.

6) You make me feel like a disappointment. Do you not see how hard I work to please you and make you proud? Yet, everyday, you make me feel like i’m not good enough.

7) I miss you so much. You used to be my best friend and now we barely talk. We used to go out for coffee at least once a week and i’d tell you everything. I trusted and loved you more than anyone; not just because you are family, but because I admire, respect, and enjoy being around you. But, ever since you got into a relationship, I hardly get to hang out with you, and whenever I do, he’s there too. I like him a lot, don’t get me wrong, he’s practically a brother at this point, however, I really miss one on one time with my sister.

8) You piss me off more than I can even handle.

9) I’m really glad that we’ve become closer this year. I love you lots and lots.

10) I saved you for last because I truly don’t know what I could say to do you justice. As a guy you might find this cheesy, but to be truthful, you are the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You’re mature and smart and hilarious and never fail to support me. You have hugged and listened to me while I cry, you have made me laugh, you have made memories with me, you have helped me, you have always been there for me; you have been my best friend. Thank you for that. I love you so much.

Nine things about myself:

1) I love diners. A lot.
2) I love horses and horseback riding. Riding is the only time I feel completely free, happy, and proud.
3) Christmas is my favourite holiday and I love going to New York City during the Christmas season.
4) I love hoodies. Oversized hoodies that is.
5) I am obsessed with movies. Can’t get enough of them.
6) I want to travel the world.
7) Music is one of my favorite things in the world. Iron & Wine, Mumford and Sons, Fleet Foxes, and Marshall Mathers are my favourites, but I listen to a lot of different stuff.
8) I love food. I love trying new foods and really like to eat. Cookie dough is all I eat when i’m sad. And pancakes are my favorite midnight snack.
9) I really like being out late at night, on the road or at a diner.

I just took my last chemistry exam of the year.

Fuck yeah.
I feel like celebrating.

I love walking round campus and finding these:

I’m craving some Vietnamese sandwiches!

Banh mi oh. (;

I hate feeling this rush of sadness and having no idea where it came from.

Fears of liking someone:

• That someone else will randomly sweep them off their feet & leave you with nothing, except watching them enjoy each others company.

• That one day, they’ll wake up & feel differently about you.

Sometimes I feel quite alone in the world. Do you know what it is like to live alone inside your head while never giving a clue to your real feelings?

It’s so hard to get up in the morning and out of your comfy warm bed when you know that in an hour, you’re gonna have to bike to class in -4 degree weather.

As weird as it sounds, one of my favorite places to be is the airport. As soon as I step into the revolving doors with my luggage in hand, it makes me so happy. I love that feeling of knowing you’re going to get away from the place you know that bombards you with drama and bullshit. It just gives you the reassuring feeling of having a temporary enjoyment miles away from what you’re used to. It takes you away from the usual for a bit. I just can’t explain the feeling of airports. <3

If you could kindly take the time to answer these 3 questions, that would be great! :-)

1. What is the wildest thing you’ve ever imagined?
2. What’s on your bucket list?
3. What are the major decisions in life that you have made?

Ah, Robert Downey Jr’s Holmes-on-a-Bad-Day, you are my spirit animal forever and always.

We can start a club for people who:-

don’t leave the house for days

live in ratty dressing gowns

are vague on dates

abuse some sort of substance

are wary of natural light

squander their own brilliance

have terrible comebacks

Hot guy from Chemistry is trying to talk to me on Facebook chat.

I feel like telling him to go find the ugly girl he picked over me...

So I just looked through my email...

Apparently I sent a picture of apple pie to myself…Uhm. Whut?

Lessons from the notebook.

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY

I guess you could say i’m not a big believer in reality.

Ten of my flaws/imperfections:

1. I hate the way I look in the mirror, especially with my clothes off.
2. I worry about everything too much. Past, present, future.
3. And yet, ironically, I never think or plan ahead as to what I’m going to do next.
4. After I do something wrong because of that, I beat myself up over it.
5. I tend to be overprotective in a relationship. Not to the point of not letting my guy do anything or talk to anybody, but it manifests as jealousy. But it’s just because I’m insecure about losing them.
6. I try to phrase things in a way where it doesn’t hurt somebody’s feelings, sometimes too much.
7. I flirt, but I’m too insecure to really make the first move more often than not.
8. I get really depressed a lot.
9. I get the “you’re irresponsible” talk a lot, especially with money, and I’m trying to do better.
10. I’m afraid of my temper.

I love this library. There’s an old black man who fell asleep in his chair, then woke up and looked over at an obviously 15-year old girl’s Facebook page and muttered “damn”.

And the librarian keeps cutting “fuck me” eyes my way, if only he wasn’t forty years old. …Ah, who am I kidding.

Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?

I got made fun of because I did this.

Ten things I do best at:

1. Draw.
2. Read a book in record time.
3. Quote historical facts.
4. Comic book trivia.
5. Band trivia.
6. Perform oral sex. ;)
7. Make an omelette.
8. Make people laugh.
9. Rescue princesses, defeat bosses, save kingdoms.
10. …Um. *shrug?*

What I want for Christmas:

• No rock bottom depression just ‘cause it’s the holidays.
• Not to be made to feel like a fuck up when I visit my parents, especially in comparison to Erica. Fuck your nursing degree, srsly.
• New shoes.
• Reading material.
• Alcoholic consumption (RED WINE!).
• Friends to be with.
• A kiss from a special guy.
• To do some good for somebody, for reals. Donate food, or gifts. I know some places.

Phosphorescent — Can I sleep in Your Arms

It’s so cold lyin’ here all alone
And I have no hold to hold on you
And, I assure you, I’ll do you no wrong

I wrote a letter to myself which I am to read everytime I feel like crap. I suggest you do it too. It's surprisingly helpful.

Dear Claire,


You’re countries away from all your closest friends and family. The one that was supposed to be there for you through everything changed their mind and left you completely alone. And despite the time that’s passed, your heart is still far from healed. Like every teenage girl in this planet, you’re fighting the endless battle with self-esteem, peer pressure, future plans, and the whole world. 


But you have food in the fridge. You have your own room and you sleep in a bed with a pillow and a blanket. You probably have some money in your purse. If not, you probably spent it on more food and shopping. You have both arms and legs. You have relatively good eyesight. Relatively good skin. You’re not exactly pretty, but you’re not butt-ugly. You’ve had your fair share of travels. You come from a dysfunctional (but still good and supportive) family. You’ve had the privilege of education. You are loved by your family and your best friends, and if you killed yourself, you might just drive them crazy enough to kill themselves too.


Whatever it is you’re crying about, just please. Stop your goddamn bitching.


Love, Claire.


P.S. Go treat yourself to a chocolate bar. You’re not that fat.

Ten items I can’t go a day without:

1. Shirt (by court order).
2. Jeans (by court order).
3. Underwear (by court order.)
4. Car keys.
5. Purse.
6. Phone.
7. Hoodie.
8. Coffee in the morning.
9. Pepsi/Dr. Pepper sometime later.
10. Music.

Sometimes being a sister is better than being a superhero.

Hey sis! Today’s your special day. Happy Happy 7th Birthday! I love you to death. Even though you make me mad to the bone. You may not see it now, but I want you to know that I would do anything for you; anything for this family. I wish you all the best in the world. I know you’re gonna grow up to be a great woman and all the guys will go “gaga” over you (it’s in the blood ;) ).But remember to always keep your feet on the ground. I'm always here for you, now, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. We’re sisters, and I’ll love you til the end. <3

Here’s to every starry-eyed lover and every beautiful romance. Here’s to the ones who fear being alone and those who have lost hope. Here’s to the dreamers and the outcasts. Here’s to life and living it to your fullest. But most of all, here’s to you. Don’t be afraid to take love by the hand. Speak from your heart and love with everything in you.

My next tattoo is going to be “survivor” on my left wrist. For obvious reasons. I can’t wait until I get it. ♥

ALL TIME LOW, HEY MONDAY, THE READY SET, AND YELLOWCARD ARE GOING ON TOUR TOGETHER THIS SPRING.

It’s counter-intuitive but listening to Tool is helping my headache go down.

Ten songs I can’t stop listening to:

1. Nirvana - All Apologies.
2. Metallica - Fade to Black.
3. MCR - Three Chapters for Sweet Revenge.
4. Basket Case - Green Day
5. Stone Sour - Bother.
6. Gin Blossoms - Til I Hear It From You.
7. Third Eye Blind - Red Star Rising.
8. AFI - Miseria Cantare.
9. Alice In Chains - Would?
10. Verve Pipe - Freshmen.

We got two random props each in photography class, mine were scrabble letters and a map.

Not everyone in the world is going to like you. That’s just the way life is.

"What are those scars?" She asked. "They're battle wounds." I replied. "What were you battling?"
"Myself." I told her.

I am just in the biggest Christmasy wintery mood right now.

Seriously.
Christmas songs in my head and my computer.
Ground is covered in snow.
Hot chocolate and romantic comedies.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, BRO!

I was the original…but now i’m unoriginal.

That’s me...


...because for two weeks, my university is having a new big group of exchange students from the U.K. and it caught me so off guard….and yeah so I was in the cafeteria, and I thought I saw a swarm of British kids.


Then I thought ‘pffff, that can’t be.’ 


Then suddenly one of them pointed and shouted at me, ‘ENGLISH!'


Then I decided to skip class and sit with them, and found out they speak not a word of German, and will be around for 2 weeks.


My point is that i’m happy that there are Britons around again and I don’t stick out as much anymore.


But i’m also slightly bummed that…. I don’t stick out as much anymore.

My ask box is empty!

I will answer anything!
Go nuts.

http://formspring.me/CockneyRebel

Today was undeniably great:

• I didn’t go to class...
• I took a train to Lübeck with Jorma and his friends...
• ...for more shopping!
• Finally got my Forever21 order in the mail...
• (two months too late, but whatever) 
• AND I GOT MY A UKULELE IN THE MAIL TOO!

I now own a German ukulele named Hans.

Since I couldn’t bring my old one here to Germany...
It's my Christmas gift to myself!
I love you, Hans. ♥

If you wanna walk out, I’ll show you the door.

I’m sorry but I can’t always be the only one trying anymore.

I’m probably the only person who considers this her favourite song by them EVER.

My fortune cookie this week:

I love getting “goodmorning baby” texts ♥

Ten TV shows I miss from my childhood:
1. He-Man.
2. Thundercats.
3. Transformers.
4. GI-Joe.
5. Batman: The Animated Series.
6. X-Men: The Animated Series.
7. Darkwing Duck.
8. Courage the Cowardly Dog.
9. Dragon Ball Z.
10. Angel.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Party of Five, etcetera.

Ten movies I never get tired of watching:
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
2. Blade Runner.
3. Nightmare Before Christmas.
4. Fight Club.
5. The Empire Strikes Back.
6. Talladega Nights: Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
7. Borat.
8. Step Brothers.
9. The Omen (1976)
10. Old School.
The Hangover, Get Him to the Greek, the original Clash of the Titans, and many more…

My body isn’t satasfied with the high calorie meal I just had.

To eat more [read: spend more] or not to eat more [read: not to spend more]?

That is the question.

I could complain about my car being old but I actually love my car. I should probably pay more attention to it I suppose.

Really glad I locked my keys in my car.

I feel like every time I open my mouth around you, something stupid comes out.

Confession No. 8582

I just want to be tiny and delicate. Everyone wants the curvy girl. Everyone loves the tiny delicate bitch.

Going through the 270 messages in my inbox and deleting a bunch of messages.

I hate getting rid of stuff. Ugh.

People with bad breath really annoy me.

Attendance policies for universities are annoying as fuck.

Especially at community universities.

I’m keeping up with all my coursework.

I have all A’s and B’s but it doesn’t matter — if I miss more than 3 classes I lose a letter grade each time. And if I get more than 5 then the professor can drop me from their class. That’s a university wide policy, not just for certain majors or classes.

Fuck you university.

If I’m keeping up all the work and we’re just bullshitting in class why do I have to waste my time in said class?

Mumford & Sons | Little Lion Man

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble Little Lion Man,
You’ll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days Biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?

I love this song [=

1) What’s your name? Claire
2) How old are you? 21
3) Where are you from? Are you living there right now? I'm from England but i'm in Germany at the moment.
4) Is it cold where you are? Fucking freezing!
5) What’s the time? 14.13
6) What are you wearing? Jeans, tee, cardigan and scarf.
7) What was the last thing you listened to? Danger Days album <3
8) What was the last thing you ate? Some weird German sweets.
9) Do YOU think you have an accent? Not at all.

Hello, my name is Mr Tickles and I have stolen Tom's laptop. I don’t live in this house, I just walk through the cat flap like I own the place and steal the other cats food which forces Tom to give me my own bowl of yummy grub so his stupid cats don’t go hungry.
Wait, I hear something…he’s coming, quick act like a cat…"meow…prrrrrrrrrr"….ha, silly human. I’ll be kicking him out before the winter is over and living in this house all by myself. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Out buying chocolate and this is what I find:

Damn straight.

Confession No. 6492

Even if I go to hospital I know I will never regret this.

Satisfaction.

....is hard to reach, don't even aim for it. I hate it when people aim for IT to satisfy someone when they can't even satisfy themselves. Uhmm.

People discourage me all the time, it doesn’t mean shit to me. Just makes me want to prove them wrong.

Officially watching Christmas movies or sappy romantic comedies from today til New Years.

The snow has got me in the most Christmas-y mood.

I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit since I was a little kid. 

I feel great.

Currently watching “The Holiday”.

Dear snow,

I love you, but please be reasonable.

With love, the girl from England.

Woke up to a beautiful snowy morning with a package from England.
My mum shipped over my sketchbook project t-shirt and cookies!
Had no classes today, had a snowball fight, chilled at Louisa’s.
It’s been a good Wednesday. ♥

Today me and my mum had an arguement..

Me: Mum
Mum: Yes?
Me: I need to tell you something very important.
Mum: What?
Me: Okay, well, I..
Mum: ..Well, what is it?!
Me: I just want to tell you..
Mum: Claire, are you okay?
Me: ..that I love you!!
Mum: Oh really? Well guess what??!
Me: What?
Mum: I love you more than what you think I do.
Me: Well I love you more than you can imagine!
Mum: I love you forever and ever.
Me: I love you with all of my heart, plus 1!
Mum: Well I love you beyond the deepest of my heart, the entire universe, and for infinity!!
Me: ..That’s alot mum, well I love you, exactly what you said plus eternity.
Mum: Okay, well ETERNITY plus a bajillion million. And enternity in all caps!
Me: I love you MUM!! <3

..about who loves who more. [:

“sure.”

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to fill up his water bottle while I went to fill up mine. I can only just remember saying “Sure.” It’s a vague recollection: like everything else involving him, this response gets stacked under agendas, priorities and my five senses – and a glassy fog encircles it, burying it once and for all. I don’t even remember what staircase I took to get to the water fountain. I was swallowed by fog.Under the fog lies, untouched, over a thousand days worth of memories, cherished by only the most inner depths of the chambers of my heart. But today, I asked myself if I was ready to finally allow real feelings to surface, slowly but surely. The answer I got; faint yet undeniable, was “Sure.”

It hurts. Plain and simple. While so much more is complex, this much I know for sure.

To go back to the beginning, in my first year of uni, I was put in a class with no friends. Instantly, though, his role as the class clown struck me as hilarious, as he and I would joke around all the time. We were never really friends. I don’t know how it worked, but we kind of skipped that and went straight to best friends, or maybe more. 

I still remember the exact feeling I had when I first fell in love with him. It’s a little weird to think there was a specific moment, but it literally hit like a ton of bricks (how I love my cliches). To make a long story short: we were at my best friend’s birthday party, and he had hurt himself, so when everyone else went outside to play football, he played video games. And I sat with him, just there, wanting to be as close to him as I could. I never played the games; I just watched him. He was glowing. He wasn’t perfect, but he was truly extraordinary. I wanted to feel his presence; his heat radiating off his body, keeping me warm.
I wonder what he remembers from that day, because I know that he felt what I felt that day, too. 

I don’t want to go into details about the rest.

And to think this got set off by just a “Sure.”

Sometimes it’s better to keep secrets to yourself.

My chemistry partner is the biggest dick I’ve ever met. He’s pretentious, and refuses to collaborate in this “group” project… Okay then. I hope you die alone.

All it takes is a phone call to make your heart feel heavy. When you’re watching somebody you’re actually coming to really care about struggle with a nervous breakdown and seeing them lose themselves in pills… it’s incredibly hard and more than one part of me just wants to say fuck it, this is too deep. But it’s just not in me to do that no matter what the cost. But having to choose between what kind of help you can give this person, in the capacity of giving them a place to stay that isn’t a fit place to raise a child or maybe, just maybe putting them away in a hospital for a little while, and yet depriving a kid of their mum AND dad at the same time… what kind of choices are these? How could anyone make a choice like that?

written and performed by TheAmazingAtheist
directed, shot, and edited by Cody Weber 

Everything Is Terrible

It starts at 44 seconds.
“If someone farts in an elevator they should be arrested for biochemical warfare and shipped to Guantanamo Bay with the rest of the anti American butt mongers.”