- woke up by Jorma with extreme tickling
- cursed endlessly at Jorma in Filipino
- watched Marius’ football game (his team won, woot)
- walked all the way to town to find everything already closed
- took a train to Timmendorfer Strand with Ola, Ann-Chris, Lisa, Lars, Magda, Magda’s boyfriend who I don’t know the name of
- ICE SKATED!!!!
- not completely failed at ice skating
- home by midnight (good kid is good)
Things I did yesterday:
I’M RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE I JUST GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE ACADEMY OF ART IN SAN FRANCISCO.
YES, I WAS JUST INFORMED THAT I WAS ACCEPTED.
FOR AUTUMN NEXT YEAR.
BFA ILLUSTRATION.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND SUBMIT NOW, BUT I GOT IN AND OH MY GOD
I CANNOT BREATHE.
FOR AUTUMN NEXT YEAR.
BFA ILLUSTRATION.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND SUBMIT NOW, BUT I GOT IN AND OH MY GOD
I CANNOT BREATHE.
The yanks know how to celebrate Halloween.
 |
| So I ventured outside before 9AM this morning to see this image. The American students on campus put up their flag and are currently showing Germany just how they celebrate Halloween. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, PEOPLES! |
GUESS WHO HAS HALLOWEEN SWEETS?
I HAVE HALLOWEEN SWEETS!
WHY YES ROSE...
I DO HAVE ENOUGH SWEETS FOR THE BOTH OF US.
I have five bags full of sweets.
I have five bags full of sweets.
Oh, great!
I get to go see ‘Paranormal Activity 2’ (which I don’t even want to see in the first place) tomorrow with the German I hooked up with at the welcome party, he doesn’t even talk to me unless he has nothing better to do.
Oh yeah, that really makes me feel good about myself, thanks.
ALSO, THANK YOU TO MY FRIENDS FOR NO ONE ASKING ME EARLIER IF HE COULD COME WITH US AND DECIDING HE COULD COME OVER WITHOUT ME AGREEING, I REALLY FUCKING APPRECIATE THAT.
I hate it when Umbridge interrupts Dumbledore in OotP.
Dumbledore is just standing there being all smart and Dumbledore-like, and then Umbitch comes out of nowhere fucking interrupting him.
AND HE DIDN’T EVEN SMACK THAT BITCH.
Here’s how it should have went down:
Umbridge being like, “HEY DUMBLEDORE I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I’MMA LET YOU FINISH BUT -”
And then Snape stands up and says, “YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN DUMBLEDORE IS TALKING.”
And then Quirrell runs out of fucking nowhere like “NIGHT TROOOLL IN THE GREAT HALL! Oh wait, its just Dolores, hey Dolores what the fuck’s up?”
And then a dragon crashes through the window and cunt punts her to kingdom come.
And then once she’s gone, everyone goes on about their day as if nothing ever happened.
THAT’S JUST HOW I THINK IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. THINK WHAT YOU WANT.
AND HE DIDN’T EVEN SMACK THAT BITCH.
Here’s how it should have went down:
Umbridge being like, “HEY DUMBLEDORE I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I’MMA LET YOU FINISH BUT -”
And then Snape stands up and says, “YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN DUMBLEDORE IS TALKING.”
And then Quirrell runs out of fucking nowhere like “NIGHT TROOOLL IN THE GREAT HALL! Oh wait, its just Dolores, hey Dolores what the fuck’s up?”
And then a dragon crashes through the window and cunt punts her to kingdom come.
And then once she’s gone, everyone goes on about their day as if nothing ever happened.
THAT’S JUST HOW I THINK IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. THINK WHAT YOU WANT.
Big sister fail.
I just got Panic! At The Disco’s album, Pretty. Odd.
I’m really liking it so far. But I guess it’s also due to the fact that I read a quote by the guitarist, “I try to think of the person who’s worked an eight-hour day, the person who gets in the car and puts on their radio. I’d like them to hear a song that makes them feel happy for three minutes rather than something that makes them more depressed than they already are. We’re not afraid to write about love or being happy. We have an entire culture that is either provocative or negative. It’s so geared toward being shocking that it no longer manages to shock. They’ve pushed it as far as they can go both sexually and in terms of anger. Which is why we’re here, to provide something different.”
I’m really liking it so far. But I guess it’s also due to the fact that I read a quote by the guitarist, “I try to think of the person who’s worked an eight-hour day, the person who gets in the car and puts on their radio. I’d like them to hear a song that makes them feel happy for three minutes rather than something that makes them more depressed than they already are. We’re not afraid to write about love or being happy. We have an entire culture that is either provocative or negative. It’s so geared toward being shocking that it no longer manages to shock. They’ve pushed it as far as they can go both sexually and in terms of anger. Which is why we’re here, to provide something different.”
Favorite lyrics so far? (because I’m only on the fourth track)
Go on, grab your hat and fetch a camera
Go on, film the world before it happens
Go on, film the world before it happens
Film the world before it happens
Film the world before it happens
Go on, film the world before it happens
Go on, film the world before it happens
Film the world before it happens
Film the world before it happens
Lately, everytime I’m reminded that I’m adopted, it bothers me a lot.
It never used to. I’m confused and curious about where I came from. And the thing that bothers me the most, is that nobody can tell me I’m not a mistake. Because I was a mistake. I wasn’t wanted or loved. As far as I know.
Om nom nom.
DO YOU SEE THIS MADNESS?
NUTELLA ICE CREAM?
SMURF ICE CREAM?
HELLO KITTY ICE CREAM?
WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS EVEN REAL LIFE?
I <3 the ice cream parlour on campus :)
*Remembering my first guitar lesson*
I never thought the words “i wish i could play guitar” would have this effect. You heard those words, said “sit down, ill teach you”, i sat down on the floor, and instead of sitting next to me and moving my hands you sit behind me, held my hands and together we played the guitar.
I remember the feeling of your chest against my back, the sensation of your breath on my neck, the tingles i felt when our hands touched. I remember how you smelt, the warmth of your body, the words you spoke in my ear, but i cannot remember what song we played together.
I remember the feeling of your chest against my back, the sensation of your breath on my neck, the tingles i felt when our hands touched. I remember how you smelt, the warmth of your body, the words you spoke in my ear, but i cannot remember what song we played together.
Rise Against - Audience Of One
I looked up and saw you....
....I know that you saw me....
....we froze but for a moment....
....in empathy....
....I know that you saw me....
....we froze but for a moment....
....in empathy....
Confession No. 23455
I say all the time that I don’t care what people think, I’m actually in denial. I care more than anything.
I’m going to have nightmares tonight.
Yeah, watching the original Exorcist is not a good thing to do on your own.
Needless to say, I’m sleeping with a night light, and pillows tucked all around me.
Needless to say, I’m sleeping with a night light, and pillows tucked all around me.
I’m not beautiful, but I’m not ugly. I’m not super skinny, but I’m not fat either. I’m not a slut, but I’m not frigid. I’m not really clever, but I’m not stupid. I’m not a bitch all of the time, but I don’t let people walk all over me. I’m not happy all of the time, but I’m not depressed every day. I don’t always know the right things to say, but I will try anyway.
I think it’s funny…
That we think other people’s siblings are cute as hell and we think ours are annoying as fuckkk.
I hate boys.
C.R.: omg, i hate boys
Meriel: they break your heart and if you don't heal quick enough, you're doomed to a life of being a whore or a nun
German people always ask me why I hate pickles.
Oh, i’m sorry I like good food - not this icky, sour shit that you people call “PICKLES”.
So to all you pickle fans:
I WILL TRY TO FIX YOU.
So to all you pickle fans:
I WILL TRY TO FIX YOU.
Classes again today.
I have to bike to the other side of campus.
Like everyday.
It’s literally zero degrees outside.
JOY!
Like everyday.
It’s literally zero degrees outside.
JOY!
Dear Jerk,
Me again. Turns out you aren’t really so much of a jerk. You’re actually kind of the opposite. I’m glad I gave you a second chance.
A family is a place where minds come into contact with one another...
If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.
- Buddha
- Buddha
Confession No. 23101
I miss your morning text messages and your daily phone calls. I miss you telling me you love me and knowing you cared about me. I miss your voice and the way the simple things you said gave me butterflies. I hate the way you let me go, but most of all I hate the way I didn’t give you a reason to hold on.
I just finished reading Jodi Picoult’s 'Change Of Heart'...
I really enjoyed it.
Lots of great quotable stuff in there!
I recommend it.
:]
Lots of great quotable stuff in there!
I recommend it.
:]
Humph.
It sucks, not having someone to run to with your problems. It sucks, not having the friends you used to have. It sucks, when people turn their back on you. It just plain blunt sucks. I used to have friends that would always know what’s wrong. At least someone to spill my heart out to. But, now...it’s like no ones there for me...
Fright Night!
It was a night to remember. Meeting many many mew people . Scared the shit out of me . Made Nick carry me through the whole haunted house <3 I hate being chased. Seeing some people ruined my night but over all I had a blast! Made love to all you guys.
For once, I want to be the girl that at least one guy notices.
The girl that is the last thing on his mind when he falls asleep. And the girl that he can’t wait to see.
But really what I want most is that one best guy friend that I can go to and talk about anything with and he’d still love me.
But really what I want most is that one best guy friend that I can go to and talk about anything with and he’d still love me.
I love it how in uni no one cares about the gender you love, the religion you believe in, or the colour you are. The music you listen to, if you do drugs, or if you're a complete fuck up. How everyone loves everyone for who they are and nobody judges you, except for the few haters. How I wish everyone else was like this.
Asshole Alert!
Just took a trip out to the film rental store on campus to grab some DVD's for our movie night and came accross this:
Hahaha, I love this.
I dreamt about you last night! We were going to the movies in Berlin, you went by bike and we came across this really hot guy from one of my classes who has absolutely nothing to do with Germany whatsoever. It was fun.
A note from the past...
I don’t know why I’ve kept this note. It's a note I recieved the day after we talked about how "I love you forever and ever" isn't true.
Dearest C.R.,
To the world you are just a person, but to this person, you are the world. I've finally come up with a response to what you told me yesterday. C.R., I agree with you. "I’ll love you forever and ever" is total bullshit. I can’t tell you that, because who knows what the future has in store? (hahaha, besides our future tee-shirt shop). I can, however, tell you that I love you and care for you with all my heart. I’ll be there for you when you need someone to talk to. I'll hold you in my arms when you have tears in your eyes. I’ll even go out and buy tampons for you if you need me to. All i'm trying to say, is that I will do anything in my power to keep you happy - for what little time I have you.
I love you C.R., you know I do.
Love, [[ no-one worth noting ]]
God, this makes me miss you. things were so different 3 years ago.
Dearest C.R.,
To the world you are just a person, but to this person, you are the world. I've finally come up with a response to what you told me yesterday. C.R., I agree with you. "I’ll love you forever and ever" is total bullshit. I can’t tell you that, because who knows what the future has in store? (hahaha, besides our future tee-shirt shop). I can, however, tell you that I love you and care for you with all my heart. I’ll be there for you when you need someone to talk to. I'll hold you in my arms when you have tears in your eyes. I’ll even go out and buy tampons for you if you need me to. All i'm trying to say, is that I will do anything in my power to keep you happy - for what little time I have you.
I love you C.R., you know I do.
Love, [[ no-one worth noting ]]
God, this makes me miss you. things were so different 3 years ago.
Currently I am loving...
- Clemence Poesy - She is a french actress. I just love her classic style.
- Red lipstick - When you manage to find the right shade, it's just so striking and pretty (it's also the best colour for leaving kiss marks, *winks*)
- Unconventional cakes - Recently I've spotted a "cake" made of cookies. I really love the idea.
Fuck this fucking world.
Maybe I should be hospitalised.
I'm so far from stable right now.
I am so fucking done.
Done, done, done, done, done.
I'm so far from stable right now.
I am so fucking done.
Done, done, done, done, done.
Zombie apocalypse, obviously.
Oh, obviously.
What was I thinking?
WHERE IS EVERYONE?!
This is like, the one day I don't have classes or coursework and everyone's a zombie.
I'm sitting here right now, wondering if everyone is dead or something.
What was I thinking?
WHERE IS EVERYONE?!
This is like, the one day I don't have classes or coursework and everyone's a zombie.
I'm sitting here right now, wondering if everyone is dead or something.
People who don’t understand self harm….okay, we get it. Just because you don’t understand and think it’s stupid, doesn’t mean you have the right to poke fun of us or say we’re disgusting. This is a lifelong battle. It’s an illness. We can not help it. And fuck you for being so god damn inconsiderate.
The next time someone replies back with “k” i’m going to say this:
K? K what? K the letter before L, the letter after J? Did you know that in JK, K stands for “kidding”. So your reply is “kidding”? Or K as in Potassium? Do you need some Special K breakfast? K, as in I can K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? Sharks has a K in it.
You know what, there’s seriously nothing I love more than laying down on the end of the other line to such a sweet soothing voice at the end of the day spilling my agenda, frustrations and feelings to the one who cares about me the most. Knowing he’ll laugh, he’ll listen, he won’t judge me, and he’s not afraid to disagree. The one who’s proved to me he’ll be completely honest from the little things to my day, to how he really feels inside. Your physical presence isn’t neccessary, -with the exception of good night kisses!- As long as you’re simply there for me. That’s what I love about every day with you.
Do you enjoy panda bears?
They're cute when they sneeze...they look like they could eat me though… D:
10 Things i've learned this weekend...
1. Not having a microwave takes getting used to but its making me a better cook
2. Going to gym after a couple of glasses of wine is not the best idea (but it is funny)
3. Chilling under a tree with friends, food and beer for the whole afternoon is lovely
4. Clearing away clutter can be so therapeutic
5. Some things just need a new coat of paint to bring them back to life
6. People like to run out in front of my car at the last minute (it's so annoying)
7. Anything worth having is worth working and waiting for (simple but true)
8. Sometimes pizza delivery can save the day
9. Stellar Organic Winery makes a yummy pink sparkling wine called "naughty girl"
10. Ocasionally, its good to try on clothes you wouldn't usually try
2. Going to gym after a couple of glasses of wine is not the best idea (but it is funny)
3. Chilling under a tree with friends, food and beer for the whole afternoon is lovely
4. Clearing away clutter can be so therapeutic
5. Some things just need a new coat of paint to bring them back to life
6. People like to run out in front of my car at the last minute (it's so annoying)
7. Anything worth having is worth working and waiting for (simple but true)
8. Sometimes pizza delivery can save the day
9. Stellar Organic Winery makes a yummy pink sparkling wine called "naughty girl"
10. Ocasionally, its good to try on clothes you wouldn't usually try
Hypocrites.
It’s so funny how so many people can be a hypocrite. Don’t get it twisted though, I know we’re all a hypocrite at some point. But I’m talking about over the top hypocrite. Practice what you preach. It’s not that difficult.
Client: “This looks good. I’d like for you to get together with the project manager (male) and the marketing director (female) for a little ménage à trois before the next phase of the project starts.”
C.R. (who was only half-listening to this point): “Excuse me?”
Client: “Hmm? oh, ménage à trois? That’s a French phrase. It means collaboration.”
Welcome to Mannville
 |
| Someday Carla and I are going to retire here. And perhaps Shaunna will visit from time to time. |
Scars...
They’re kind of pretty in a way, but at the same time I’m incredibly ashamed of them. They’re markings that prove me to be weak, addicted, and hurt. They’re carvings that say “I can’t cope” in their own language. They’ll be there to remind me of my weakness. They’ll remind me that I’m addicted. No matter how long I go without cutting, I will always be a cutter. The temptation can never go away. It’ll always seem like the easy way to deal with it.
Nighmares
For the past month, I’ve been reading and hearing all this stuff about the kids that committed suicide because of all the bullying. So I read up on it. And it killed me. Killed me to see that this was actually happening. I couldn’t even describe what I was feeling. I couldn’t even post something that meant what I needed to say. For the past week or so I’ve had nightmares about it. And now I’m able to say it.
My problems are to die for...
C.R.: i went down
C.R.: i bought some oreo's
C.R.: i ate those too
C.R.: then lunch came
C.R.: i ate a mcchicken burger
C.R.: and deepak's cookies
C.R.: then later on
C.R.: i ate large fries
C.R.: then i ate again
C.R.: noodles
C.R.: and mooncake
C.R.: then i come back home
C.R.: there is buttered shrimp and garlic rice
C.R.: *cries*
Eliza: Ughhhh
Eliza: Oh, your problems...
Eliza: They're horrible.
Beavis & Butthead
Basically, just two hours outside, playing a game of frisbee.
I was definitely a loser. I feel like i’ve made a clear understanding with everyone: “DON’T PASS ME THE FRISBEE”, despite the language barriers we have. So I just ran around the field pretending to know what i was doing.
Yes, loser alert, but at least I wasn’t alone. I got some pretty good loser bonding time with Florian. New friends and high fives today!
Except it was pretty intense.
(at least, a bajillion times more intense than I expected)
Yes, loser alert, but at least I wasn’t alone. I got some pretty good loser bonding time with Florian. New friends and high fives today!
Questions, questions.
I have eaten enough cheese and crackers for ten people, do you think that’s enough?
Totally.
Totally.
I like assholes now.
At least they’re up front with their douchiness. They don’t hide it like ‘good’ guys do.
Putting it out there:
I just started to play trumpet and i’m struggling to play hot cross buns, haha.
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